Me and Badam - I

That morning was weird. I always knew that. Even before I met him.

He was this half naked dude and he introduced himself as Badam. I asked him what that meant and the following conversation started:

Me: What does that mean?

Badam: Nothing. Why should it mean anything?

Me: Come on, a name's got to mean something after all.

Badam: What? A name is used so that I can understand when I am being called. What's your name?

Me: Mahul.

B: And it means something?

Me: Yep

B: What?

Me: It is a fruit.

B: So you are a fruit?

Me: That's not the point.

B: Then what is your point?

Me: I mean everybody has a name that means something.

B: I still don't get it. Give me another name.

Me: Okay. Let's say Nilesh.

B: That's also a name? What does that mean?

Me: It literally translates to "BLUE GOD".

B: You know someone named Nilesh?

Me: Yep, I do.

B: Is he blue?

Me: [frowing] No

B: Is he a God?

Me: Please. No.

B: Then why is he called blue God?

Me: Forget it. So why are you called Badam?

B: Because my grandpa was named Adam and he named my Dad Madam and he named me Badam.

Me: Was your grandpa out of his mind?

B: He kinda was you know. He ate the apple.

Me: You mean THE apple? In THE garden of paradise?

B: Yep.

Me: That's impossible. You can't possibly be here.

B: I know it is. The world is going crazy. There are brown people named blue god.

Me: Don't start that all over again. So how do you pronounce that?

B: Bad-um.

Me: That's better. Luckily it's not pronounced Bud-aam.

B: Why? What's wrong with Budaam?

Me: You know. It's the name of a nut.

B: So what's wrong with nuts? They are perfectly good to eat.

Me: You know. NUTS, NUTCASE and you can't say "My Nuts" cause that would mean something else altogether.

B: Why does nut mean all that? This is crazy and confusing.

Me: [Tired by now]. Has anybody ever mentioned that you ask too many questions, you dumb psycho savage? Get lost.

B: Don't get angry man. I'm just curious.

[The phone, a Galaxy S2 beeps. I bring it out]

B: Wow! What's that?

Me: That's a smartphone.

B: What's that?

[So I spend the next fifteen minutes explaining what a what a smartphone is.]

B: Awesome. Is that like the coolest device on the planet?

Me: No, I think not. It's the iPhone.

B: What does that do?

Me: Pretty much the same things.

B: Then why is this not the best?

Me: You know. Android and iOS. iOS is very easy to use.

B: How come?

Me: You can't do many things with it. But what you can do is right there in front of you.

B: So you can do more things with Android? Then that is better, right?

Me: No. Like I said, you have to be curious to find all that out.

B: I don't understand. People are not curious? Who uses this iPhone?

Me: Pretty much everyone in the developed countries. From homemakers to stock traders.

B: What do homemakers do?

Me: They cook and clean and maybe go shopping.

B: And?

Me: That's all. I mean things like that.

B: And they are still never curious?

Me: What's your point?

B: I don't know. What do stock traders do?

Me: They buy and sell stocks.

B: That sounds cool. So they negotiate and try to prove their products and do stuff like that? Man, I must tell you, my Dad made javelins and he was such a good trader that he could trade them for jungle hens.

Me: It's not like that. They don't negotiate.

B: How come?

Me: They just buy the stocks that they think are going to gain and sell the ones they think will lose.

B: And who decides if the stock will gain or lose?

Me: Traders decide that. When they buy more the price goes up and when they sell more it drops.

B: So what happens if all traders mess up together?

Me: I don't know. Recession maybe. Man, I'm not good with this stuff.

B: You guys are crazy.

Me: I gotta get out of here.