On a bright sunny morning in April, 2010, a bus dropped us at Haldwani, Uttarakhand. We were en-route to Chowkori, a little hill station in Uttarakhand when my stomach declared trouble.

We neither had the time nor the intention to book a room or something, so armed with a paper-soap, I walked into a place called "HI-TEC toilet". Needless to say, after an overnight bus journey, I was under immense pressure.

After I had settled down, and everything had settled back to perspective (If you have ever faced a similar situation, you know what I mean), I noticed a tiny little piece of graphiti amidst all of the porno that is so characteristic to an Indian public toilet.

It said, "Maaza aaya??".

I so wanted to write "Yes" a thousand times over :-).

Does this happen to you too?

I was eating loads of street food, when someone commented that on the hygenic aspect of street food. In response I told everyone how I had a pretty robust digestive system ( Which I still maintain that I do), so that I could loads of everything and anything that I wanted. The next morning, everyone else is fine, while I keep shuttling between the room and the loo.

I tell someone how I efficiently wrap up my work on time, so much so that I never need to stay back late or go to work on weekends. All through that week, I do 11+ hours and also work from home over the weekend.

I tell my folks how popular I am in college (again I still maintain that I am still a recognized face in my campus, even though I am out of it now), and the next day they meet someone who has never heard of me before. The day I had told someone that I was good with mechanics, the graphics lab prof told me that teaching me graphics had been a complete waste of his and my time.

It's not a crime to brag once in a while, is it??

When the chips are down and the stakes are high,
When the match is tied and you bowl a bye.

When the bills are high and the cash is low,
When the Man-Hole was open and down you go.

When you get a dud after expecting a beauty,
When you see that idiot flaunting a cutie.

When a bird shits on you when you pass under a tree,
When you gotta go to office and the loo ain't free.

When you work on weekends while your friends go booze,
When you brush your teeth and you want to snooze.

When you sweat in office while your Manager has fun,
When you write a code and it does not run.

When the appraisals are out and your ratings are down,
When everyone seems smiling while you wear a frown.

When the Day is Valentine, and you haven't got a date,
When she rejected your proposal but the chocolates she ate.

When your present is boring and your future looks bleak,
When you are avoided coz you complain like a freak.

When the shoes are worn and the road is rough,
When you feel so squashed but the going feels tough.

When everyone you know would kick your bum,
Just hang on Buddy, for your time will come!! :-))

I had once started this post long back when I had just joined office, but I had felt it wasn't turning out good enough to be posted. I had once heard people's taste in my profession degrade over time, and that, as I have started to believe recently, is very true. The end result is me digging out this post and pasting it on my blog. The rest is for you to decide.

I'll be honest. I picked up this idea from someone. But my blog is almost dying, thanks to my job and lack of a personal computer. I had never realized before how significant the word "personal" in a Personal Computer is.

This basically is a collection of a few things I did as a child. To be truthful (again, the second time), I can't recollect most of these memories; I have only heard stories about them. That way this isn't exactly a personal experience (The word "personal", again!)

Some of these stories involve two other characters - my sister and the housemaid. The housemaid loved to sleep and as you would have guessed, in most of the stories, she was in the snoring state.

• I once tried to crawl down the stairs while mom and dad were off to work and the maid was snoring. My sister who was barely a year and a half elder clung to me at the top. Before her strength ran out, mom arrived on the scene and saved the day. The incident is narrated to this day in my family as an example of how caring my sister was. *wink*

• This was before the maid had onboarded in the family. My mom had to leave for work, and there were people around who could look after me but could not attend full time. So my mom would loosely tie my legs to a window beside my camp bed. She had calculated that if I pee-ed it would trickle down and the bed could be washed perhaps. But one day I pooped, and my mom returned to find that I had played body lotion with it. Some of it, had also been taken for mouthwash!!

• After I had barely learnt to walk, I managed to sneak out one day. I saw a cow on the way and challenged him head on with a little straw I had picked up somewhere. He took it seriously and pushed me to the ground. He then raised his foreleg to stamp me and that was the closest I have been to near death, dear GOD. But then he decided otherwise and left me alone. My Dad watched the whole show from a distance, too stunned to move.

I do have a personal computer now, and now that I have it, I respect it all the more. That would be all, I guess.

Ahemmm, ahemm, I'm blogging after...... lemme see.......3 months!!

Well, today's one of those rare lucky days, when I have nothing to do (that goes only for the next few minutes, touchwood) and I am still not worrying how I am supposed to show in my ILC(timesheet) what I was doing during this time.

For updates, the pretty gal who sits in front of me hasn't reported to work today(before you think I am that lucky, also consider that there are two wooden partitions in between, which incidentally are completely opaque ;)).
My Functional Manager is in Spain along with one Team Lead, the rest of the Team Leads are in a meeting, and one Lead who has just been back from Spain, has been offering Spanish chocolates to everyone around 30 seconds ago. Tell you what, there's nothing special about Spanish chocolates.

Well, so much for the Mr. X story. If you haven't read that, you might consider doing so here.

Well I am Mr. X now, except the beautiful Mrs X part, which I am sure you have already figured out. Being Mr. X, I wanted to add a little to the story.

• Mr. X never lets a single chance to trash his juniors pass by.

• Mr. X's manager and seniors; similarly never allow a single chance to trash Mr. X pass by.

• As far as the current Mr. X in question (read I) is concerned, I got no juniors

• Mr. X sometimes attends office parties where he feels like screaming his head off, let alone having fun.

• Mr. X meets no clients and delivers no presentations. Instead he tests codes that other people have written (usually) and occasionally gets to write a few lines of code and modify a few lines of pre-written code. Incidentally Mr. X has discovered that the codes he deals with require absolutely zero imagination and no creativity.

The rest of the updates will follow as and when Mr. X finds time and finds updates *wink*. For now, Mr. X has to test the next piece of code. :-).

I do not expect many people to read this post, partly because I have been on an extended leave from the blogosphere and mostly because I never had many readers to start with. So, if you did read this post, you might consider offering Mr. X your sympathies.

Yes I am.

I am stuck in a company. More specifically, I am stuck in a training room. The trainer fumbles while executing a simple C++ program and wonders whether "Using namespace std" ends in a semicolon. He has no idea that C++ codes can be compiled using "g++". What are we doing?? We are learning Object Oriented Programming Concepts (OOPS) in two whole days!!

This is an absolute mockery of my B.E degree. All the time, I sit around chatting and surfing the Internet while the trainer drones on about how confusing Inheritance is. Worse, the guys in the class, leave alone the ones not from Computer Science backgrounds, are even more pathetic. This is a batch where more than 80% of the class cannot complete a factorial program in C in 15 minutes! I am not enjoying being the smart guy in the batch, not anymore.

But the worst part is that I am not feeling like running away as I should. I am yet to receive my first paycheck, but the mere thought is tempting. In a long time, I am very concerned about what future has in store for me.

It was the summer of 2001 when God Narayana decided that he had enough. Kalyug was a mess, and it was time for him to descend upon it and cleanse the earth as he had done in the previous Yugs.

The job had to be done, and God Narayana knew that he had delayed it long enough. But then it was never easy. It was troublesome adjusting to the peculiar ways of the humans. The humans had a wide variety of customs and traditions which were irrationally peculiar; but the weirdest thing was that they fanatically defended the traditions that they followed and denounced those that they did not. Goddess Lakhsmi had tried to calm his nerves, but it wasn't of much help. How could it be when Narayana knew that it was certain to get tougher this time? The very thought of cleansing Kalyug left butterflies fluttering in Narayana's stomach.

Procastrination never helps and being amongst the greatest of Gods, Narayana was well aware of that. So one fine day, in the September of 2001, Narayana descended upon planet earth. Little did he know that on 21st July, 2001, Aamir Khan's latest movie 'Dil Chahta Hai' had been released.

He sent an 'All's well' sms to goddess Lakshmi. And that was the end of all communication. Hours went by and soon two days had elapsed without a single word of communication from Narayana. Goddess Lakhsmi had started to grow anxious. True, Narayana was a God, but then you could never know what dangers lurked in Kalyug. But that was not what Lakshmi was really worried about. The real danger were those pretty Bollywood heroines who had started to shed clothes at an alarming rate. As with every Indian woman, Lakshmi was never comfortable leaving Narayana in the company of pretty women. How could she after listening to all those horrifying stories of Greek Gods falling in love with earthly damsels??

It was time to send in a gaurd. So Lakhsmi sent two trusted gaurds to check what Narayana was up to. Another two days passed. There was still no trace of Narayana or the gaurds. Lakshmi knew it was time for her marraige's mid-life crisis. She knew she had to act and act fast, if she had to save her marraige from going kaput. The very thought of losing Narayana to a bollywood heroine brought tears to her eyes.

But just as she was about to leave for earth, there was a knock on the door. Lakshmi opened the door with trembling hands. And there was Narayana. But he looked so sick and depressed that Lakshmi could only gape in horror. Lord Narayana went up to his room, put up a "DND" sign and locked the door.

A day passed like that. Lakhsmi was growing anxious. But secretly, she was happy that Narayana had finally come back to her. Finally unable to hold back her curiosity, she knocked on the door. First there was no response. But after a lot of nagging, Naryana finally relented and agreed to tell Lakshmi all that had transpired between the 'All's well' sms and Narayana's return.

" I'm growing old", said Narayana to Lakshmi. "It's high time I gave up being a God and started growing vegetables in our backyard". "Bulls**t, you still flirt with the same vigour", said Lakshmi coyly. "No, I'm serious, I've started forgetting things", he said. Lakshmi had started to grow curious again. Narayana went on," Never in my wildest dreams can I think of making such a mistake. It's simply unforgivable. I'm no longer worthy of being revered a God. No Lakshmi, perhaps you have grown used to the comforts of being a goddess, but its time we adjust to a simpler lifestyle".

Now that infuriated Lakshmi. "Will you stop beating around the bush and tell me what actually happened?", she retorted.

" From the memories of my Dwapar Yug trip, I remember that humans grew moustaches on top of their upper lips. But you know what, I found that my memory has started to play tricks on me. Coz I just found out that all males had moustaches at the bottom of their lower lips".