Me and Badam - I

That morning was weird. I always knew that. Even before I met him.

He was this half naked dude and he introduced himself as Badam. I asked him what that meant and the following conversation started:

Me: What does that mean?
Badam: Nothing. Why should it mean anything?
Me: Come on, a name's got to mean something after all.
Badam: What? A name is used so that I can understand when I am being called. What's your name?
Me: Mahul.
B: And it means something?
Me: Yep
B: What?
Me: It is a fruit.
B: So you are a fruit?
Me: That's not the point.
B: Then what is your point?
Me: I mean everybody has a name that means something.
B: I still don't get it. Give me another name.
Me: Okay. Let's say Nilesh.
B: That's also a name? What does that mean?
Me: It literally translates to "BLUE GOD".
B: You know someone named Nilesh?
Me: Yep, I do.
B: Is he blue?
Me: [frowing] No
B: Is he a God?
Me: Please. No.
B: Then why is he called blue God?
Me: Forget it. So why are you called Badam?
B: Because my grandpa was named Adam and he named my Dad Madam and he named me Badam.
Me: Was your grandpa out of his mind?
B: He kinda was you know. He ate the apple.
Me: You mean THE apple? In THE garden of paradise?
B: Yep.
Me: That's impossible. You can't possibly be here.
B: I know it is. The world is going crazy. There are brown people named blue god.
Me: Don't start that all over again. So how do you pronounce that?
B: Bad-um.
Me: That's better. Luckily it's not pronounced Bud-aam.
B: Why? What's wrong with Budaam?
Me: You know. It's the name of a nut.
B: So what's wrong with nuts? They are perfectly good to eat.
Me: You know. NUTS, NUTCASE and you can't say "My Nuts" cause that would mean something else altogether.
B: Why does nut mean all that? This is crazy and confusing.
Me: [Tired by now]. Has anybody ever mentioned that you ask too many questions, you dumb psycho savage? Get lost.
B: Don't get angry man. I'm just curious.

[The phone, a Galaxy S2 beeps. I bring it out]

B: Wow! What's that?
Me: That's a smartphone.
B: What's that?

[So I spend the next fifteen minutes explaining what a what a smartphone is.]

B: Awesome. Is that like the coolest device on the planet?
Me: No, I think not. It's the iPhone.
B: What does that do?
Me: Pretty much the same things.
B: Then why is this not the best?
Me: You know. Android and iOS. iOS is very easy to use.
B: How come?
Me: You can't do many things with it. But what you can do is right there in front of you.
B: So you can do more things with Android? Then that is better, right?
Me: No. Like I said, you have to be curious to find all that out.
B: I don't understand. People are not curious? Who uses this iPhone?
Me: Pretty much everyone in the developed countries. From homemakers to stock traders.
B: What do homemakers do?
Me: They cook and clean and maybe go shopping.
B: And?
Me: That's all. I mean things like that.
B: And they are still never curious?
Me: What's your point?
B: I don't know. What do stock traders do?
Me: They buy and sell stocks.
B: That sounds cool. So they negotiate and try to prove their products and do stuff like that? Man, I must tell you, my Dad made javelins and he was such a good trader that he could trade them for jungle hens.
Me: It's not like that. They don't negotiate.
B: How come?
Me: They just buy the stocks that they think are going to gain and sell the ones they think will lose.
B: And who decides if the stock will gain or lose?
Me: Traders decide that. When they buy more the price goes up and when they sell more it drops.
B: So what happens if all traders mess up together?
Me: I don't know. Recession maybe. Man, I'm not good with this stuff.
B: You guys are crazy.
Me: I gotta get out of here.