Sheldon (USA) - You must stop building nuclear weapons.
Iran - I am not building nuclear weapons.
Sheldon - I do not trust you.

Sheldon - You must let me inspect your apartment.
Iran - Why would I do that?
Sheldon - Because the security council told you so.

(Turning to Leonard(EU), Howard(Israel) and Raj (South Asia)) - Tell him.

Leonard - Leave the guy alone.
Sheldon - Do it or I will tell everyone about ur goof-ups with Penny, Bernadette and Lucy. TELL HIM!

Leonard, Howard and Raj (in unison) - Please let Sheldon inspect your apartment.

Iran - I do not even have nukes. You have nukes.
Sheldon - My nukes are good. Yours are for terrorism.
Iran - I never ever attacked anybody. The same cannot be said of you.

Sheldon - Doesn't make a difference.
Iran - Why is that?
Sheldon - Because I said so. I am brilliant.
Iran - How is that even relevant?

Sheldon (exasperated) - I will impose sanctions on you.
Iran - Hello, I do not trade with you, what will you sanction?

Sheldon (Turning to Leonard, Howard and Raj ) - Tell him you will impose sanctions on him.
Leonard, Howard and Raj (in unison) - Not again!

Sheldon - Well gentlemen, you had your chance....
Leonard, Howard and Raj (in unison, cutting him off) - We will impose sanctions on you.

Raj - Come on Sheldon, now let the guy go!

Sheldon - One last thing.
Iran - What??
Sheldon - You really should bring in democracy.

Iran - Really? The last time I had democracy, you were the one who destroyed it.
Sheldon - Well, I must tell you that it was for your own good.....

• Try to request people to participate in at least one of your surveys every year (maybe twice). Do not forget to post a reminder (or two) saying how desperately you need it.

• Try to post at least one album full of pictures where everyone in sight is wearing a business suit; no problems if it's June.

• Try to give us some expert comments every time our Government is on the verge of making a much publicized policy decision. e.g. FDI, Nuclear deal. Preferably align with whatever the US/Europe happens to be pushing at the time; not that you will ever feel the need to do otherwise. 

• Keep sending us some links to articles that happen to rank your alma mater favorably. If there happen to be no such lists (:P), try posting some which talk about some excellent initiatives that have been taken instead (hint: Dainik Jagran).

• And last, but not the least, as an MBA student, it's part of your social responsibility to keep educating half-literates like me. So keep posting fantastic tidbits of knowledge filled with MBA jargons that make me gasp in wonder. Accentuate the effect by having your classmates comment in equally incomprehensible literature.

P.S. I never did an MBA. Nor am I an aspirant.

Do not get me wrong. I have but the utmost respect for people learning so much more. Just because I dropped out half literate doesn't mean I cannot appreciate that.

And any intended offence caused is humbly apologized for.

You are the same

And I haven't added fame (sadly)

The same is my mood

And I still cook my food (I wish)

The same stays my money

And no one calls me honey (still)

I still walk to work

And I still have no perk (Team lunch twice a year doesn't count)

My flat is the same

The same stays my name

There's still traffic on the way

And I'm still late every day

The same jokes people still crack

And HR's still say, "Let me call u back"

My Manager still sits at my rear,

And people tell me "HAPPY NEW YEAR"?????????????

How do you sneeze? Yes, you heard me right. How do you sneeze?

Do you go all aa-aaa-AAA-SNEEEEZEEE!! or one of those "fich" sneezes that a person would miss if he happens to be opening a can of soda?

Why? Because my friend, it's important.

Now that reminds me of that Dabur Lal dant manjan ad where Sunil Shetty tells a beefed up guy (who cannot bite an apple) how teeth should not be neglected. Well, neither should the sneeze.

A sneeze is more than what you think it is. A sneeze is an extension of your personality. Think of the chick who sits 10 cubicles from you in office (and despite your extensive efforts, you haven't been able to get introduced to). She knows how you look, and she knows how you sneeze. If you are capable of sneezing loud enough, that is. Btw, if you are one of those guys who thinks that women do not go by looks, think again. How many good looking girls have you told that looks don't matter for you? You can do the math.

So what does a sneeze tell about you? Lots actually.

There are the lion heart sneezes that threaten the window panes and there are the sheepish weak "fich" ones that get you all irritated. There are indecisive "aa-aa-aa-chhi"'s that will take forever to come and there are the violent "HAN-CHHI" that speak of anger and frustration in the underlying souls. In short, there are as many types of sneezes as there are people.

Just as websites have digital signatures, human beings have sneeze signatures. You can copy the content of the website but you cannot copy the signature. Just as you can copy a human, thanks to modern cosmetic surgery, but you cannot copy his sneeze. You might ail or age or be sad or happy, but your sneeze will sound just the same.

Luckily, I happen to be blessed with a powerful sneeze. When I sneeze, one floor below and above know. When my Dad sneezes, two floors above and below know. When Grandpa would sneeze, half the village would know; I attribute the degradation in sneeze quality to the adulteration that has crept into human civilization over time.

So my friend, this rainy season, work on your sneeze. For you never know, you might get caught in a little drizzle and start sneezing. And you will never realize when you let out a sheep sneeze and lose the girl. You look cool, fine; you dress cool, great; it's time you sneezed cool.

As Grandpa would say, "A tiger fears you only as much as you fear it. Where it wins is strength and desperation". It's in moments like these than a tiger sneeze could turn the balance.

There are three types of people in this world - Normal, Genius and Frustrated.

To illustrate further, I would like to give you an example.

Three people named Normal, Genius and Frustrated walk into a bar. There's a band playing a very catchy tune. None of them has ever played any musical instrument before, but they're all impressed with the music. All of them develop this desire to learn to play the guitar.

So far so good. The story was uniform. Not any longer.

- Normal toils hard to learn the guitar. Ten people say they do not want to teach him because he understands no music. Ten others refuse to teach him because he is not gifted enough. Normal doesn't give up and after what can be called a fair amount of time, he is able to play the tune decently well.

Normal invites his friends for a party and shows of his skills. His friends clap and Normal is happy. He goes off to sleep contented. End of story.

- Genius picks up a guitar. After some time alone with the guitar, he is able to understand how the thing is supposed to work. Some more time, and viola! Genius, is able to play the tune. But does Genius stop here?

No. Genius has a great inspiration and he creates a new tune that is kind of groundbreaking stuff. Next the story can go in two directions.

Rockstar Genius goes on stage somewhere and plays his tune. Instant fame and recognition. End of story.

Shy Genius hides his tune somewhere until a smoking blonde manages to dig it out. She coaxes him (:P) into playing it in public. Instant fame and recognition. End of story.

- Frustrated is kinda lazy so he takes a long long time before he actually picks up a guitar. During this time he is very frustrated because he is not picking up the guitar. When he finally does, some pretty teacher agrees to teach him. She is fairly impressed with him because he is able to learn it really fast. After what some people would call a small amount of time, he is able to play the tune.

Frustrated (like Normal) decides to invite his friends for a party where he wants to show off his skills. Another associated desire is to ask his Teacher out after the play (She is also invited). Frustrated plays and all his friends clap.

But this isn't Normal's story, so it gets complicated. Teacher tells him that he is really cute and talented, but she already has a boyfriend. Some *&#$@? friend tells him how the rendition was almost as good as the original. (Incidentally, he had mentioned this to Normal as well, but weirdly enough, he seemed fine with it).

All this is too much for Frustrated. He continues to go to sleep jittery and frustrated.

I rest my case. :)

P.S. Not to be taken seriously

Some days back my manager came up to me and asked me if we could show a particular stock animation on the Interface at some particular event in the hardware. What happened to that is another story saved for some other time, but what happened a week back is interesting.

I was trying to connect my PC to the internet using a nokia phone and nokia PC suite. This was something my mom and dad had tried sometime back at home (without child supervision :-)) and failed.

Whenever that happens, I get a call explaining the problem and expecting a fix. I had never seen that software at the time, so all I could come up with was some 'useless beating around the bush' which, needless to say, failed (My Dad, as usual, thought my engineering degree was a waste of money).

So coming back to previous week, at the climax of the connection activity (while the PC was trying to connect), there was a decent, neat animation showing waves travelling from the PC towards the tower (You must have seen it if you have ever connected to the internet using nokia PC suite). My Dad, who had been watching wordlessly till now, commented -

"As long as no waves come back from the tower, this cannot possibly connect."

Animation brings life to UI's and has enormous potential to confuse simple people.

Once during my first experience of Windows OS, something that I had put for copy hung. The progress bar wouldn't budge a millimeter, but I was happy because I could see bits of paper flying from one folder to the other!

On a bright sunny morning in April, 2010, a bus dropped us at Haldwani, Uttarakhand. We were en-route to Chowkori, a little hill station in Uttarakhand when my stomach declared trouble.

We neither had the time nor the intention to book a room or something, so armed with a paper-soap, I walked into a place called "HI-TEC toilet". Needless to say, after an overnight bus journey, I was under immense pressure.

After I had settled down, and everything had settled back to perspective (If you have ever faced a similar situation, you know what I mean), I noticed a tiny little piece of graphiti amidst all of the porno that is so characteristic to an Indian public toilet.

It said, "Maaza aaya??".

I so wanted to write "Yes" a thousand times over :-).

When the chips are down and the stakes are high,
When the match is tied and you bowl a bye.

When the bills are high and the cash is low,
When the Man-Hole was open and down you go.

When you get a dud after expecting a beauty,
When you see that idiot flaunting a cutie.

When a bird shits on you when you pass under a tree,
When you gotta go to office and the loo ain't free.

When you work on weekends while your friends go booze,
When you brush your teeth and you want to snooze.

When you sweat in office while your Manager has fun,
When you write a code and it does not run.

When the appraisals are out and your ratings are down,
When everyone seems smiling while you wear a frown.

When the Day is Valentine, and you haven't got a date,
When she rejected your proposal but the chocolates she ate.

When your present is boring and your future looks bleak,
When you are avoided coz you complain like a freak.

When the shoes are worn and the road is rough,
When you feel so squashed but the going feels tough.

When everyone you know would kick your bum,
Just hang on Buddy, for your time will come!! :-))

Ahemmm, ahemm, I'm blogging after...... lemme see.......3 months!!

Well, today's one of those rare lucky days, when I have nothing to do (that goes only for the next few minutes, touchwood) and I am still not worrying how I am supposed to show in my ILC(timesheet) what I was doing during this time.

For updates, the pretty gal who sits in front of me hasn't reported to work today(before you think I am that lucky, also consider that there are two wooden partitions in between, which incidentally are completely opaque ;)).
My Functional Manager is in Spain along with one Team Lead, the rest of the Team Leads are in a meeting, and one Lead who has just been back from Spain, has been offering Spanish chocolates to everyone around 30 seconds ago. Tell you what, there's nothing special about Spanish chocolates.

Well, so much for the Mr. X story. If you haven't read that, you might consider doing so here.

Well I am Mr. X now, except the beautiful Mrs X part, which I am sure you have already figured out. Being Mr. X, I wanted to add a little to the story.

• Mr. X never lets a single chance to trash his juniors pass by.

• Mr. X's manager and seniors; similarly never allow a single chance to trash Mr. X pass by.

• As far as the current Mr. X in question (read I) is concerned, I got no juniors

• Mr. X sometimes attends office parties where he feels like screaming his head off, let alone having fun.

• Mr. X meets no clients and delivers no presentations. Instead he tests codes that other people have written (usually) and occasionally gets to write a few lines of code and modify a few lines of pre-written code. Incidentally Mr. X has discovered that the codes he deals with require absolutely zero imagination and no creativity.

The rest of the updates will follow as and when Mr. X finds time and finds updates *wink*. For now, Mr. X has to test the next piece of code. :-).

I do not expect many people to read this post, partly because I have been on an extended leave from the blogosphere and mostly because I never had many readers to start with. So, if you did read this post, you might consider offering Mr. X your sympathies.

It was the summer of 2001 when God Narayana decided that he had enough. Kalyug was a mess, and it was time for him to descend upon it and cleanse the earth as he had done in the previous Yugs.

The job had to be done, and God Narayana knew that he had delayed it long enough. But then it was never easy. It was troublesome adjusting to the peculiar ways of the humans. The humans had a wide variety of customs and traditions which were irrationally peculiar; but the weirdest thing was that they fanatically defended the traditions that they followed and denounced those that they did not. Goddess Lakhsmi had tried to calm his nerves, but it wasn't of much help. How could it be when Narayana knew that it was certain to get tougher this time? The very thought of cleansing Kalyug left butterflies fluttering in Narayana's stomach.

Procastrination never helps and being amongst the greatest of Gods, Narayana was well aware of that. So one fine day, in the September of 2001, Narayana descended upon planet earth. Little did he know that on 21st July, 2001, Aamir Khan's latest movie 'Dil Chahta Hai' had been released.

He sent an 'All's well' sms to goddess Lakshmi. And that was the end of all communication. Hours went by and soon two days had elapsed without a single word of communication from Narayana. Goddess Lakhsmi had started to grow anxious. True, Narayana was a God, but then you could never know what dangers lurked in Kalyug. But that was not what Lakshmi was really worried about. The real danger were those pretty Bollywood heroines who had started to shed clothes at an alarming rate. As with every Indian woman, Lakshmi was never comfortable leaving Narayana in the company of pretty women. How could she after listening to all those horrifying stories of Greek Gods falling in love with earthly damsels??

It was time to send in a gaurd. So Lakhsmi sent two trusted gaurds to check what Narayana was up to. Another two days passed. There was still no trace of Narayana or the gaurds. Lakshmi knew it was time for her marraige's mid-life crisis. She knew she had to act and act fast, if she had to save her marraige from going kaput. The very thought of losing Narayana to a bollywood heroine brought tears to her eyes.

But just as she was about to leave for earth, there was a knock on the door. Lakshmi opened the door with trembling hands. And there was Narayana. But he looked so sick and depressed that Lakshmi could only gape in horror. Lord Narayana went up to his room, put up a "DND" sign and locked the door.

A day passed like that. Lakhsmi was growing anxious. But secretly, she was happy that Narayana had finally come back to her. Finally unable to hold back her curiosity, she knocked on the door. First there was no response. But after a lot of nagging, Naryana finally relented and agreed to tell Lakshmi all that had transpired between the 'All's well' sms and Narayana's return.

" I'm growing old", said Narayana to Lakshmi. "It's high time I gave up being a God and started growing vegetables in our backyard". "Bulls**t, you still flirt with the same vigour", said Lakshmi coyly. "No, I'm serious, I've started forgetting things", he said. Lakshmi had started to grow curious again. Narayana went on," Never in my wildest dreams can I think of making such a mistake. It's simply unforgivable. I'm no longer worthy of being revered a God. No Lakshmi, perhaps you have grown used to the comforts of being a goddess, but its time we adjust to a simpler lifestyle".

Now that infuriated Lakshmi. "Will you stop beating around the bush and tell me what actually happened?", she retorted.

" From the memories of my Dwapar Yug trip, I remember that humans grew moustaches on top of their upper lips. But you know what, I found that my memory has started to play tricks on me. Coz I just found out that all males had moustaches at the bottom of their lower lips".

Sitting on a bench in a railway compartment munching a stale hot chicken patties, it occurred to me that life was not fair. For example, the stale hot chicken patties that came without tomato sauce (courtesy a shop at the station) had cost me fourteen bucks. Not fair. First, the only place where I could find chicken was in the name. Next, the little square piece of baked or fried or whatever dough had cost ten bucks the last time it went down my food pipe. Which was probably 2-3 years ago. But then, this one tasted as if it had been fried 2-3 years ago as well.

My eyes darted to the pretty gal in the corner of the compartment. She was smiling at some apparent joke which her dull looking boyfriend had cracked. Not fair again. I was single, sweaty and grumpy while that guy was having a good time.

Life is also strange. Lets take the patties example. The vegetable patties is triangular while the chicken patties is square. I tried hard to figure out some apparent reason that could justify this fantastic choice of shapes. Probably the difference ensured that the vendor would not hand over chicken patties against vegetable orders as a mistake. I gave up thinking. Maybe I should have bought a vegetable patties instead. They seemed to sell more; that meant it was less probable that they would be stale. I have the best of realizations at the worst of moments. Life isn't fair at all.

Back to the gal. Perhaps I was a bit harsh on her boyfriend. If that was her boyfriend at all. I of all people should abstain from judging people by their looks. Its funny how we do the things that we expect others not to. Nah, Life is a weird and unfair concoction.

Why did the patties vendor sell me the stale stuff? He certainly did not intend to sell stale patties to me when he had placed his order. He was bad at inventory control. I remembered that they had taught me inventory control back in my fourth semester. Weird. I am a software techie who has a one in a million chance of ever having an inventory. They keep teaching the wrong guys. Our mathematics department had put me through a lot of trouble mugging inventory control. I wished they had spared me the trouble. The vendor selling the stale patties deserved it more anyway.

My thoughts were stopped mid-way by the gal. She stared at me. Or so I thought. I am never confident when gals look anywhere around me. A part of me tells me that I was the intended recipient of the gaze. The other part tells me that the gal looked at everything except me. By the time I make up my mind, the gals are long gone. No wonder, I was single and grumpy on that bench.

The train stopped with a jerk. The gal and her probable boyfriend walked out. I was done eating the patties. I realized that I had patties crumbs clinging to a substantial portion of my face. Even the bag on my lap had minuscule crumbs all over. I have never really learnt the art of eating cakes and patties. I took out my handkerchief and started to clean up the mess.

After twenty years of soul searching, I finally found the answer.

I've never found true love. I've never seen phenomenal success or phenomenal luck. I never got any richer overnight. Forget true love, no one ever showed any romantic interest in me. Every night, after I lie down and till I start to snore, I wonder where the problem lies.

But no more guys, 'cause I found the answer last night.

"........send this email to 15 people including me and you will find true love by tomorrow. Ignore this and you will never find love"

"......send this scrap to true friends and see a miracle happen by tonight. Ignore this and......"

I spent my childhood in a religious city and people would often hand me leaflets saying,"

Mata XYZ devi ki kripa

..... get 1000 copies of this pamphlet distributed and you will get richer by millions.....

Mr. ABC ignored and got fired from office and ..........

Mr. DEF did 5000 and currently owns crores..."

I'm sorry Mr. Bulkmailer, I'm sorry Mr. Junkscrapper, I'm sorry Mr. Leaflet distributor. I'm sorry because I never paid any attention to what you said. I never forwarded those emails, I never went to a printer. Not that I ever plan to.

But I would like to request everyone reading this post to refrain from sending me those mails and scraps and whatever. You see, I've already done a lot of sin accumulation. And the only way anyone can help me, is by not adding to the already accumulated bundle.

As for the leaflets, I always get curious and accept whatever is handed out to me. From now on, I'm planning to staple a request on my shirt asking all leaflet hand-outers to oblige. Pity they don't read blogs.

What's up, everybody??

The last few days have been quite eventful. I was depressed, I was happy, I was confused... life has been strange. I was burdened with responsibilities. And the burden will continue till the 12th of April, perhaps even longer. I hardly find to time blog these days. Sorry blogger buddies, I really could not catch up with your blogs through this time.

Life's strange. Through the four years of college, my hostel mates have formed my world. I have lived with them and I have dreamed with them. We have been sharing the highs and lows of life together. And I have never really thought about it. But when it is poised to end, it feels so empty inside. Because I know, with time and distance, we will gradually turn from buddies to college friends to acquaintances to long lost friends. It is bound to happen and there is nothing I can do that would change that.

I have always loved to be the guy in control, I like things happenning my way. When they didn't, I always knew that I had only myself to blame. But this one time, I feel so powerless. Whatever that I might have done, it would still be the same. And with cruel luck, no two of us would be relocating to the same place. In a matter of months, we would be scattered all over the country.

Life suddenly doesnt seem that rosy anymore. Add to that, worse things have been happening all this time. A friend got engaged and had to break up for no fault of his. That too in a week! I was always half misogyne, and I can slowly feel the circle comming close.
Whatever, there's always something to look forward to, and with the technical and cultural festivals just around the corner, I hope I'll be cheering up soon!

Divya called me a thoughtful blogger on the award function on her blog. The occasion was the birthday of her blog - Petals and Pebbles. Thank you buddy!



Richa has tagged me. I had to ask her what a tag meant :D, I'm really pathetic with some things. And since I had nothing to do, and the idea was nice, and Richa asked me not to let her down, I decided to do this tag.

Well, the idea is to list 25 things about yourself. It also includes tagging 25 people at the end, but I really do not know 25 bloggers, so its useless trying to tag them. So here I go.....

1. I'm absolutely non romantic. But I'm not interested in hiding that.

2. I really do not like to think of myself as non romantic. But since so many people say so, and they say there's no smoke without fire, there must be some truth in it.

3. I'm an insecure person. I believe everyone is to a certain extent. This I hide. I'm mentioning this on my blog for two reasons. 1. People close to me skip my blog. 2. I'm in one of my truthful moods.

4. I'm very lazy. Perhaps lazier than the laziest person you have ever met.

5. I can't say no to someone who has asked me for help. Even if I hate the person and actually do not want to help him.

6. Like everyone else, I like being admired and appreciated. But only when I'm absent from the room.

7. I still dunno what I want to do with my life. And I'm not sure if I would be able to find it out before I die. That's kinda uncomfortable.

8. I believe in logic. But then most human emotions are illogical. However, trying to look for logic in them often helps me rationalize my reactions.

9. I'm not sure whether I want a girlfriend. And I sincerely hope I do not, because I don't think the task of moving from single to 'seeing someone' is really desirable or smooth.

10. I would gladly give away an eye to have ripping muscles like umm... John Abraham. But if you ask me to hit the gym, I can't.

11. I'm not really scared of death. But it must be painless.

12. I keep forgetting birthdays, anniversaries and calling/messaging people. But they still mean the same to me. Just as forgetting to buy a bar of soap does not imply that you do not like bathing.

13. I do not trust people easily. And even when I do, I never trust them with my life :D.

14. If I were the richest man in the world, I would give away half of my fortune to charity. Not that I'm too interested in the philanthropy, its about clinching the world record.

15. I don't like it when the scientific community is not considered glamorous. Which as a matter of fact, is always the norm.

16. I hate artificial people. But I try not to complain when I have to bear with them.

17. I like staring at beautiful gals :D.

18. I absolutely adore golgappas. If only they weren't so girlish!

19. I live in constant fear of two things. I always have the creepy feeling that my ego is inflating and I'm turning into a snob. Probably because people with these problems are mostly blissfully unaware of it.

20. I find David & Victoria Beckham, Shobhaa De's blog, Deepika Padukone's beauty, Romance and Slumdog Millionaire overrated. No hard feelings please.

21. I cannot take NO for an answer. I would rather skip the question.

22. This one in so illogical. I dunno why but I feel very uncomfortable when someone reads my blog in my presence :D.

23. I'm an atheist. But I believe in the power of nature.

24. Something tells me that my blog might be boring.

25. I found it really tough to say 25 different things about myself.

Phew! This tag was difficult.

We once had this poster on our wall with this pic of a tiger lazying in the grass and the caption

I would, if I could.
But I can't, so I won't.

That perfectly defines my state of mind on VDay eve.
Being the man of few words that I am, that's all I would like to say.

Love nerds, hate nerds - You can't deny that nerds are everywhere. Nerds aren't normal guys - So it's better that you learn to identify a nerd when you see one.

Here's a checklist of what you need to look for to know that you are looking at a nerd.

• Glasses - Look for those spects. A nerd is incomplete without them and a nerd without them is not a pure nerd.

• Nerds can't stand people fumbling with technology. Just try fumbling with a gadget! If he doesn't say," Lemme show you how to do that", he isn't a nerd. Moreover, nerds despise people who do not respect technology.
  

• Gamers - Nerds are avid gamers. And they are very appreciative of skilled gamers.

• Try saying a bit of bullshit about Albert Einstein - (Caution) A nerd might knock out your teeth. At least he's bound to raise a big hue and cry over this.

• Nerds don't like being called nerds. *wink*. But they like to think of themselves as nerds. Nerds are complicated people after all.
  

• Nerds prefer beautiful technology to beautiful women any day. However, no nerd will ever accept this.

• Nerds are the among the few genres of homo sapiens who do not want to trade genres for something else. They are very satisfied and happy being nerds.
  

• Nerds are poor at paragraphs. They work better with bullets and minutes.

How do I know?
Because, I'm a big time NERD! *grin*

If you are an engineering guy staying in your college hostel using an internet connection shared over a LAN, you know what I mean. If you aren't, read on.

If you are a person with a fat wallet and a high speed internet connection, you will never appreciate this post. You might say, a slow connection means pages load slow, isn't that all? No, you buggers, it is NOT.

Here's what happens when you have a slow connection.

* Pages load slow. Ha ha ha.

* My monitor cost me 10,000 bucks. I dread that some day I will hammer it. No hammers in my room.

* If you are planning to buy a PC that you would be using over a slow connection, buy a sturdy keyboard. I bang my keyboard at least five times every day.

* Youtube videos buffer so painfully slow. Worse, you leave a video to buffer. When you return to it, the buffering has hung midway. Or you replay and the buffering restarts. JEEEEZZZZ!!

* Take care of your social life-I. I find that elusive gal online and send her a hi over gtalk. She apparently doesn't reply and I sign out. Only to find out later that she had actually replied to me.

* Take care of your social life-II. Every now and then people haggle over what others have been downloading and how badly that has been affecting the speed.

* Uploading those vacation pics on orkut takes away half the fun of the vacation itself.

* Replying to blog posts that open in new comment windows becomes so tough. The comment box stubbornly refuses to load. If at all it does, you cannot save your comment. I missed commenting on Shweta's blog post, The harmless little breeze.

* Beef up security. Out of frustration I once installed a software that sent spurious packets to other PC's on my network and stalled their speeds. Someone found out in a week and I came seriously close to getting mashed up. Expect something similar if you are a marked torrent downloader.

* Beauty specialists reveal that stress can lead to premature aging. Health specialists say that stress can lead to hypertension, insomnia, diabetes and a host of other problems. I say that what is frustrating is essentially very stressful.

Resolutions can be really really tough to keep. But strangely enough, almost everyone I know resolves every now and then. As far as I'm concerned I've had a pathetic track record. Here are a few faux pas.

* I shall blog more - I started my blog a year after I had resolved to do it. And ever since I did, I have lost all peace of mind. 'Cause I keep resolving something that I never do.

* I shall study - More than the 6 days of exams in a 6 month semester that is. I know it's hard to believe but it's even harder to repeat the feat semester after semester, trust me.

* I shall work out - This one was the joke of the century.

* I shall call up my folks more often - Before you think I'm a thankless prodigal, let me explain. I really care about my parents and spend almost all my vacations with them. It's just that when it comes to calling up, I develop cold feet.

* I shall finish projects - Four half finished projects and another four that could only exist in my brain. How does that sound?

* I shall get a girlfriend - For my buddies, it's the joke of the century. For me it's the tragedy of the millennium.

* I will not forget those birthdays - Yep, it has been a long standing problem. But I'm the understanding types, i.e. I do not mind when people miss mine.

* I will stop bunking classes - It has been a long time since I came to terms with reality. I no longer bother about this *wink*.

* Early to bed and early to rise - Self explanatory.

* Stop skipping breakfasts - This I really want to. Not that I do not want the others :-)

But I tell you, I'm improving. You doubt? How about this? This post is a direct result of my resolution to blog more.

Remember what I said about guest posts? Now forget all that and read what blogger Richa says. Thanks Richa!

Reading Pranav's posts about the traffic and traffic policemen, I am reminded of a few anecdotes and irks on the road, I have been thinking lately to jot them down, so here they come...

Anecdote 1.

Day/ Time- I was in 12th standard, so it must be around 2001.

I had learnt to drive a car when I was in 10th standard and since I was not an adult, I didn't have my driving license, but still I drove, but drove safe :D

I had to drop my mom and chachi to the hospital for a regular check up (my chachi was expecting that time). The hospital is at almost 2 kms from my home, so I drove them and was returning alone, when I noticed that the traffic police had set up a naka in the meantime at the signal. Now I didn't have a license, and I was confident enough- they didn't stop women/ girls for checking, I stopped on the red light. Then, out of nowhere, a female shapata (punjabi vernacular used for hawaldar) appeared and asked me for my license. Well, I told her confidently, that I had left it at home as I was in a hurry, and my home was just across the lights, I could go back and fetch it and show it to her. But she didn't seem to believe me- (obviously why would she??)

I kept on trying to convince her to let me go, and meanwhile I saw other girls/ ladies moving towards their destinations without being asked for their licenses... why me? I thought!! She was dying to write me a challan, which I was convinced not to let her do... I asked her if she could let me go anyhow, and this was what she had been waiting for.. She said "eddan taan 500 rupaye laggne" (otherwise 500 bucks would do)... I was taken aback. I told her I didn’t carry that much amount with me and on this she looked at me helplessly and annoyed and mumbled "enni waddiyan gaddiyan lae k turi firde ne te jeb ch paise v nai rakhde" (this big cars they drive and keep pockets empty), I looked at her amazed. but then anyhow I were saved of the challan- thanks to a VIP's relative who was also a fish to the traffic police, but whose approach saved us all in the queue!!

Anecdote 2.

I am sorry- but offense intended at all those labor class bhaiyas who move on the roads, high on drugs, or whatever they do..

This one is not that old, but a 4 years back almost. Mom and I were on the road, I behind the steering. At a roundabout, out of nowhere, a cycle appeared on the road with the two bhaiyas- one riding and other one hanging on it (I pity the cycle). And since it was so abrupt, I could not see them and could not apply brakes in time. They fell off the cycle and the cycle too- on them. And those foolish bhaiyas, they got up, smiled- rather laughed, picked their cycle, mounted it and disappeared. I was left on the roundabout, scared that I might have hurt them, but as they went away, the peechhe wala bhaiya waved at me, and my face went red with fury!!! Gosh, what the hell!! I could have hit them... but their cycle saved them...

I still fell heat erupting out of my ears while I write this X(

What irks me on the road!!

• The honking people on the red lights or in the traffic jams.
• The auto rickshaw drivers who break where ever they like- whether it is a turn, or a traffic jam.
• The spoiled brats who think the road was gifted to them by their daddy on their b'day.
• The spoiled brats who follow girls.
• Aunties who do not know driving.
• People who don’t know parking manners.
• The beggars at signals.

The list is not exhaustive!!

It's my first post of November.
I'm a bit disturbed, and there are a lot of things going on in my mind. Here are a few.

* I'm a lazy blogger.

* I write extremely poor book reviews. Hope I refrain from writing another.

* No one visits my blog. Well, almost no one.

* At my current rate of adsense returns, it'll be 50 years before I receive my first cheque. If google keeps the amount fixed at $100, that is.

* A lot of hits can be traced to a comment I wrote on someone's blog. Maybe I should start commenting generously on the blogosphere.

* People aren't downloading my new pdf tutorial (How to assemble a PC).

* Almost 75% of my total hits(counter at the bottom) are my handiwork. *grin*

* It's been months since someone scribbled on my cbox. If you are unfortunate enough to be reading this post, you know what I would be asking for.

* I'm clueless about my reaction on Obama winning the election.

* I'm tired of writing this post.

So, bye.