Ahemmm, ahemm, I'm blogging after...... lemme see.......3 months!!

Well, today's one of those rare lucky days, when I have nothing to do (that goes only for the next few minutes, touchwood) and I am still not worrying how I am supposed to show in my ILC(timesheet) what I was doing during this time.

For updates, the pretty gal who sits in front of me hasn't reported to work today(before you think I am that lucky, also consider that there are two wooden partitions in between, which incidentally are completely opaque ;)).
My Functional Manager is in Spain along with one Team Lead, the rest of the Team Leads are in a meeting, and one Lead who has just been back from Spain, has been offering Spanish chocolates to everyone around 30 seconds ago. Tell you what, there's nothing special about Spanish chocolates.

Well, so much for the Mr. X story. If you haven't read that, you might consider doing so here.

Well I am Mr. X now, except the beautiful Mrs X part, which I am sure you have already figured out. Being Mr. X, I wanted to add a little to the story.

• Mr. X never lets a single chance to trash his juniors pass by.

• Mr. X's manager and seniors; similarly never allow a single chance to trash Mr. X pass by.

• As far as the current Mr. X in question (read I) is concerned, I got no juniors

• Mr. X sometimes attends office parties where he feels like screaming his head off, let alone having fun.

• Mr. X meets no clients and delivers no presentations. Instead he tests codes that other people have written (usually) and occasionally gets to write a few lines of code and modify a few lines of pre-written code. Incidentally Mr. X has discovered that the codes he deals with require absolutely zero imagination and no creativity.

The rest of the updates will follow as and when Mr. X finds time and finds updates *wink*. For now, Mr. X has to test the next piece of code. :-).

I do not expect many people to read this post, partly because I have been on an extended leave from the blogosphere and mostly because I never had many readers to start with. So, if you did read this post, you might consider offering Mr. X your sympathies.

Yes I am.

I am stuck in a company. More specifically, I am stuck in a training room. The trainer fumbles while executing a simple C++ program and wonders whether "Using namespace std" ends in a semicolon. He has no idea that C++ codes can be compiled using "g++". What are we doing?? We are learning Object Oriented Programming Concepts (OOPS) in two whole days!!

This is an absolute mockery of my B.E degree. All the time, I sit around chatting and surfing the Internet while the trainer drones on about how confusing Inheritance is. Worse, the guys in the class, leave alone the ones not from Computer Science backgrounds, are even more pathetic. This is a batch where more than 80% of the class cannot complete a factorial program in C in 15 minutes! I am not enjoying being the smart guy in the batch, not anymore.

But the worst part is that I am not feeling like running away as I should. I am yet to receive my first paycheck, but the mere thought is tempting. In a long time, I am very concerned about what future has in store for me.

It was the summer of 2001 when God Narayana decided that he had enough. Kalyug was a mess, and it was time for him to descend upon it and cleanse the earth as he had done in the previous Yugs.

The job had to be done, and God Narayana knew that he had delayed it long enough. But then it was never easy. It was troublesome adjusting to the peculiar ways of the humans. The humans had a wide variety of customs and traditions which were irrationally peculiar; but the weirdest thing was that they fanatically defended the traditions that they followed and denounced those that they did not. Goddess Lakhsmi had tried to calm his nerves, but it wasn't of much help. How could it be when Narayana knew that it was certain to get tougher this time? The very thought of cleansing Kalyug left butterflies fluttering in Narayana's stomach.

Procastrination never helps and being amongst the greatest of Gods, Narayana was well aware of that. So one fine day, in the September of 2001, Narayana descended upon planet earth. Little did he know that on 21st July, 2001, Aamir Khan's latest movie 'Dil Chahta Hai' had been released.

He sent an 'All's well' sms to goddess Lakshmi. And that was the end of all communication. Hours went by and soon two days had elapsed without a single word of communication from Narayana. Goddess Lakhsmi had started to grow anxious. True, Narayana was a God, but then you could never know what dangers lurked in Kalyug. But that was not what Lakshmi was really worried about. The real danger were those pretty Bollywood heroines who had started to shed clothes at an alarming rate. As with every Indian woman, Lakshmi was never comfortable leaving Narayana in the company of pretty women. How could she after listening to all those horrifying stories of Greek Gods falling in love with earthly damsels??

It was time to send in a gaurd. So Lakhsmi sent two trusted gaurds to check what Narayana was up to. Another two days passed. There was still no trace of Narayana or the gaurds. Lakshmi knew it was time for her marraige's mid-life crisis. She knew she had to act and act fast, if she had to save her marraige from going kaput. The very thought of losing Narayana to a bollywood heroine brought tears to her eyes.

But just as she was about to leave for earth, there was a knock on the door. Lakshmi opened the door with trembling hands. And there was Narayana. But he looked so sick and depressed that Lakshmi could only gape in horror. Lord Narayana went up to his room, put up a "DND" sign and locked the door.

A day passed like that. Lakhsmi was growing anxious. But secretly, she was happy that Narayana had finally come back to her. Finally unable to hold back her curiosity, she knocked on the door. First there was no response. But after a lot of nagging, Naryana finally relented and agreed to tell Lakshmi all that had transpired between the 'All's well' sms and Narayana's return.

" I'm growing old", said Narayana to Lakshmi. "It's high time I gave up being a God and started growing vegetables in our backyard". "Bulls**t, you still flirt with the same vigour", said Lakshmi coyly. "No, I'm serious, I've started forgetting things", he said. Lakshmi had started to grow curious again. Narayana went on," Never in my wildest dreams can I think of making such a mistake. It's simply unforgivable. I'm no longer worthy of being revered a God. No Lakshmi, perhaps you have grown used to the comforts of being a goddess, but its time we adjust to a simpler lifestyle".

Now that infuriated Lakshmi. "Will you stop beating around the bush and tell me what actually happened?", she retorted.

" From the memories of my Dwapar Yug trip, I remember that humans grew moustaches on top of their upper lips. But you know what, I found that my memory has started to play tricks on me. Coz I just found out that all males had moustaches at the bottom of their lower lips".

Sitting on a bench in a railway compartment munching a stale hot chicken patties, it occurred to me that life was not fair. For example, the stale hot chicken patties that came without tomato sauce (courtesy a shop at the station) had cost me fourteen bucks. Not fair. First, the only place where I could find chicken was in the name. Next, the little square piece of baked or fried or whatever dough had cost ten bucks the last time it went down my food pipe. Which was probably 2-3 years ago. But then, this one tasted as if it had been fried 2-3 years ago as well.

My eyes darted to the pretty gal in the corner of the compartment. She was smiling at some apparent joke which her dull looking boyfriend had cracked. Not fair again. I was single, sweaty and grumpy while that guy was having a good time.

Life is also strange. Lets take the patties example. The vegetable patties is triangular while the chicken patties is square. I tried hard to figure out some apparent reason that could justify this fantastic choice of shapes. Probably the difference ensured that the vendor would not hand over chicken patties against vegetable orders as a mistake. I gave up thinking. Maybe I should have bought a vegetable patties instead. They seemed to sell more; that meant it was less probable that they would be stale. I have the best of realizations at the worst of moments. Life isn't fair at all.

Back to the gal. Perhaps I was a bit harsh on her boyfriend. If that was her boyfriend at all. I of all people should abstain from judging people by their looks. Its funny how we do the things that we expect others not to. Nah, Life is a weird and unfair concoction.

Why did the patties vendor sell me the stale stuff? He certainly did not intend to sell stale patties to me when he had placed his order. He was bad at inventory control. I remembered that they had taught me inventory control back in my fourth semester. Weird. I am a software techie who has a one in a million chance of ever having an inventory. They keep teaching the wrong guys. Our mathematics department had put me through a lot of trouble mugging inventory control. I wished they had spared me the trouble. The vendor selling the stale patties deserved it more anyway.

My thoughts were stopped mid-way by the gal. She stared at me. Or so I thought. I am never confident when gals look anywhere around me. A part of me tells me that I was the intended recipient of the gaze. The other part tells me that the gal looked at everything except me. By the time I make up my mind, the gals are long gone. No wonder, I was single and grumpy on that bench.

The train stopped with a jerk. The gal and her probable boyfriend walked out. I was done eating the patties. I realized that I had patties crumbs clinging to a substantial portion of my face. Even the bag on my lap had minuscule crumbs all over. I have never really learnt the art of eating cakes and patties. I took out my handkerchief and started to clean up the mess.

Dr. B. Kar stepped back from his table. He had begun to sweat profusely. Not that he wasn't used to the heat. His life had never been easy. He took out his dirty handkerchief and mopped his brow. He was almost there.

It all came back to him.
He was born into an average middle class family. Very simple and very normal and very accepted. Until the day he was born. For he was anything, but normal.
He was born with an ugly large head and a small diminutive torso. The nurse had shrieked when he was born, and his mother had smiled. But soon people knew that the large ugly head was not as ugly inside as it was from the outside. He was nothing less than a genius.

However that did not change people's attitude towards him. Boys of his age avoided him. He could sense that. He never went to play with them. That troubled his mom. She would try to coax him to go out and play with the rest of the kids of his age. “How do you know they don't like you unless you go out and see for yourself?” she would say. He loved his mom. He did go out one day, only because he wanted to see her happy. He had returned weeping with a big purple bruise on face that made him look even uglier. And a bag full of insults on top of that. He never went out after that. His mom had never asked him again.

School was a similar story. He was abused everyday. Even the teachers loathed him because he was so ugly. He had slowly learnt to accept that as a part of his existence. He did not have many choices.

But school also meant Physics and Math and Chemistry. It fascinated him. Science gave wings to his imagination. It became his world and gave him a reason to exist; to bear whatever wrong the world continued to do to him. He had a natural ability for science. He made the teachers very uncomfortable. The other students loathed him even more. He was yards ahead of them. He never topped his class though. Because he did not believe in sticking to what was written in the books. Science was his baby and he hated rules when it came to science. He wanted to explore it the way he wanted. But he was smart. And he knew he had to pass school. So he did enough to pass school with decent grades every year.

And then he saw Shaina. She was the new girl in the class. And the most beautiful. Shaina was popular from day one. She made heads turn wherever she went. She was smart and she was also good at studies. He had never really looked at girls before. But Shaina was different. She had captured his imagination. She disturbed his thoughts. His thoughts were clouded with his feelings for her. His grades had begun to suffer. Shaina was an angel for him, a goddess; someone who gave a new dimension to his being. Or so he thought.

It’s funny how moss can grow even on stones. One day, the loathed, abused B. Kar actually found the courage to confess his feelings to Shaina. He had been unable to sleep the previous night. Shaina had slapped him hard and demanded how someone as ugly as him could even dare to think something remotely close to that. Then she had walked away, leaving behind two of her muscular followers to do the rest. One of them had punched him in the face and the other had pushed him to the ground. They had given him one kick each and left. And B. Kar had learned an important lesson in life. He stayed clear of gals for the next ten years of his life.

But Bella was different. She worked with B. Kar in the lab where he did his research. He had met her when he joined as a researcher in the lab after completing his PhD. B. Kar had performed exceedingly well in college. But his social life was still the same. True, people no longer abused him, but he knew that he was still a loner, an outcast. He was awarded honors and recognized multiple times. People had clapped. He had walked out of the auditorium and found that things had not changed one bit. But then, he wasn’t really expecting a change.

Not until it was a year after he had started working with her. That was three years ago. Bella was a decent, good looking girl, and she neither had the glamour nor the attitude that Shaina did. In fact, B. Kar hadn’t really noticed her. But Bella was impressed with B. Kar’s intellect and his analytical abilities. She befriended him, though all they discussed was technology. Once in a while, they would go down to have lunch together in the canteen. Very rarely, they would also talk about something lighter. B. Kar usually fumbled, for the simple reason that he was not used to sharing anything with another human. But Bella would make up for the two of them. Bella was the friendly types; she was on close terms with a lot of people in the facility.

B. Kar had tried hard to ignore what he had gradually started feeling for Bella. His experience with Shaina had left a scar that was irreparable. However, ignoring her had not been easy either. Even Bella had noticed his uneasiness. She had asked him what he was up to. B. Kar had avoided the question. But Bella asking him the question had given him a new hope. “This is different”, he had told himself. He had his reasons. They both knew each other quite well. Bella actually cared for him. She was the first person to care for him after his parents who were long gone. “And, this is not a crush the way Shaina was”, he thought. He had known her for a substantial time before he had started to develop feelings for her. After more than a month of deliberation with himself, B. Kar finally told Bella what he felt for her.

Bella was left in tears. She had told him how she felt for him as a friend and could not believe that he had such things in his mind all along. She could not believe that he had mistaken her friendliness for something else. “You have insulted me. I do not think we can be friends any longer”, she had said.

B. Kar was devastated. Because it became clear that whatever he did, he would remain an outcast. He had suspected that all along, but when it became clear to him, it hit him harder than he had thought possible. He stopped going to the lab. Within a week he had resigned. He had thought Bella might reconsider and sympathize with him. It was his belief that he deserved that. When she did not, he decided that it was time to end his life. Because he knew that his existence had lost its meaning. A man, above all, is a social being. A man who had no social acceptance had no reason to exist.

But he did not. Every man has his destiny. After the initial shock had passed, B. Kar felt it was his destiny. He had to rise to the occasion. He had to prove himself to the world, prove to Bella, to Shaina, to everyone who had wronged him since the day he was born. He had to give them an answer, an answer that would shock the very existence of their ego. They were dispensable. He would show them that they were dispensable. B. Kar would make them pay very very badly for what they had done to him. B. Kar relocated to his father’s property in the remote town where he had spent his childhood. He set up a lab in his ancestral home. The place was in ruins, but that hardly mattered to B. Kar. He spent all his money in his research. When it dried up, he stole millions of dollars through the Internet. He knew that the world owed it to him. No one ever got a trace. He was a genius; he was ahead of his time.

And today, three years later, B. Kar knew that he was there. His answer was ready. He walked towards his laptop and initiated the power sequence. There was a very gentle whirring of motors as the initiator circuits came to life. And then there was silence. For his ‘baby’ was perfect. B. Kar smiled in satisfaction.

“Hi Biplab, how are you doing”, Bella’s sweet voice broke the silence. A shiver ran down B. Kar’s spine. And then he laughed. Bella was his now. She would not hurt him anymore. She was his, anyway he wanted her. And he could never lose her again. He knew that was out of the question. No one could take his Bella away from him now. This Bella was completely his; her very existence in its entirety was his.

Only, now she was electronic.

P.S. This is my attempt at fiction in a really long long time. If you read this, and you are not in a rush, do drop me a comment. Please tell me what you felt about this or what you feel should have been different.

Sometimes I have these weird whims.

All of a sudden, I decided to create a rebel version of myself. So I sit glued to photoshop for an entire evening. I was trying to create a message for the world, just when I am about to leave college and move into it.

And this is what I ended up with.


I am really displeased with the end result. But I am a rebel now, and that means I don't care whether what I come up with is good or bad *wink*. (Being a rebel certainly has its advantages).

In fact I did not know what I wanted to do with it, so I put it on my blog. Cause not everything that I put on my blog needs to be satisfying for me.

Let me tell you a story.
Mr. X gets up at 7 every morning. He shaves and shits and drinks his coffee and showers and all that. He switches a few channels and catches up with the stocks on their ever crazy journey. By this time his kid is ready and Mr. X drops him off at school.

Beautiful Mrs. X. gives Mr. X a long list of what she wants for her household. She complains about that trip he had promised and how they should go out for dinner that night. Mr. X talks about how busy he is at work. Mrs. X understands nothing of what Mr. X does in his office. Mr. X leaves for office in his sleek car.

Days at office are rarely different for Mr. X. He meets clients and delivers presentations and attends office meetings where people talk at length about stuff no one is interested in. And he spends time creating those presentations debating whether to use 11 point Arial or Garamond 12. Mr. X brings back home some work and the stuff Mrs X had ordered. His kid tells him what he did at school and Mr. X feels guilty because he does not find enough time to teach him maths. Mrs X keeps complaining about this and that but on some days they have a pretty good time.

Once or twice in a year, the X's go out for vacations. They share their photos with their friends and talk excitedly about the trip. Sometimes, Mr. X goes out on office trips.

Growth for Mr. X means a bigger office and a better pay. Mr. X works not beacuse he is very interested in it, but because he has a family to support and a future to secure. On some rare nights Mr. X gets all nostalgic and tells Mrs. X about his dreams and fantasies when he was in college. Beautiful Mrs. X doesnt seem to connect much with all that.

You know what??
I'm calculating how much time I have before I turn into Mr. X. Except the beautiful Mrs. X part perhaps. Given the direction in which my career is progressing, it's just a matter of time before I turn into Mr. X. Where is the INNOVATION in my life?

This is not what I had signed up for when I decided to be an engineer. I need an escape route. Any ideas anyone?

What do you do when you have nothing interesting to write about? And when you desperately want to post something?

The answer is simple. You post something boring. :D

The college cultural fest was a cacophony of people, emotions, expectations and what not. That is why I love fests. From excited first years dying to get their few moments of on stage fame to frustrated fourth years scouting for pretty first year gals. Everything about a fest is big and interesting. At least to me. Students about to pass out getting all nostalgic and ending up in tears. I loved every moment of it, even that. Call me unemotional if you want to.

But what I noticed for the first time was a sound guy. Not a guy who was sound but a guy who was a part of the company that was responsible for the audio. On the last day, at around 3 am in the morning, I suddenly noticed that he was fast asleep in a big space behind the console. A rock band that called themselves STEEL and their fans STEELERS was performing, and that should give a fair idea of the decibel levels around the place.

That moment, I just tried to view things from his angle. What did a college fest mean to him? Another sleepless night, irritating high decibel amateurish music, sweating people who would jump rather idiotically to anything and everything that's being played and raise loads and loads of dust in the process. Think about it.

What meant moments of a lifetime to such a vast multitude of people, meant a plain frustrating day at work for him that paid poorly. Isn't it wonderful that such vastly contradicting perceptions of the same thing can exist in such a packed atmosphere blissfully oblivious of the others presence?

Life is damn interesting!

In a now famous speech at Stanford graduation, Steve Jobs once talked about a piece on death. It said, "If you live each day as if it were your last, some day, you will certainly be right".

I'm not really open to the idea of dying anytime in near future, but a bit of introspection always helps. If I were to die tonight, could I look back and believe that there's nothing with my life that I would wish to change? That, I believe, is important.
It's hardly plausible that anyone would want to play Mahul Bhattacharya. So this is not a guide to being me. Rather, its an endeavor to find out what I am and what I am not.

So being me means:

• Daydreaming: Forms a very important part of my life. This is what I do when I have nothing else to do. Which incidentally is almost always the case. From winning the Nobel and Booker to rocking on stage in orange shirt and silver pants :D. From playing superhero to cricketing hero. Lamborghinis and Porsches and Hayabusas. And obviously, lots of hot gals fighting to win me over.Not all dreams are that rosy though. When I'm disturbed, the dreams get all dark and murky. I land up in jail and get bashed up on the streets. I flunk exams and get thrown out of college. In short, you name it, I've dreamt it.

• Profiling: That's another thing I keep doing. Profiling people and situations. In short figuring out how the world would react to stimulus. Most of it always turns out to be wrong. The rest never happens *wink*. Once in a blue moon, I get something right. And that gives me the incentive to carry on with this mindless monologue. But yes, it does help in understanding how people react to situations. And that, I like to believe, helps me react better.
  

• You will have to eat lots, digest that properly and still keep looking like a stick.

• Late to bed and late to rise. And keep promising yourself everyday that you will end the cycle.

• Procrastination: Somehow I can't seem grow out of my affinity for the Indian Railways schedule. And tell you what, when it comes to not being on time, I beat them by miles.

Being me also means you can say good bye to:

• Ladies man: Not extra caring and extra generous with the fairer sex. Another reason why gals find me obtuse.

• Spoilt brats: We keep a safe distance. Dunno why. But expect no special attention from me just because you were born filthy rich. If you have substance in you but aren't worth a penny, you would still have all my respect.

• Fashion: Not really my cup of tea.

• Anything addictive: However hard I try, they refuse to climb down my food pipe. Tea, coffee, smoke, booze whatever.

This list is no where near exhaustive. Whatever I write, there would still be more to me. That's why I am a human after all.
And yes, Instruo pictures won't be coming. Why? Because I found that I am missing from most of them.

Hello blogging world!!

I'm back. After a hugely successful stint in the college technical festival, INSTRUO as Internal Coordinator. This would rank amongst the most satisfying experiences of my life.

As a part of the package, comes the hype and the recognition. Only to dwindle and die away with time. Not that I'm complaining one bit. Yeah, I impressed lots of people. And as usual, none of them were girls. *wink*.

But that's something I will talk about some other day. Today, with the Instruo experience and the anticipation of the cultural fest just around the corner, I want to talk about something entirely different. I want to talk about the two mistakes of my life.

I would have loved a better physique. With an imposing physical appearance, some things would have been far easier.

I should have learned some music. That's one area I have never explored. Except listening to music; some idiots call that a 'hobby'.

Perhaps its too late to amend these mistakes. Perhaps its never too late. Only time can tell. Instruo pictures coming soon.

After twenty years of soul searching, I finally found the answer.

I've never found true love. I've never seen phenomenal success or phenomenal luck. I never got any richer overnight. Forget true love, no one ever showed any romantic interest in me. Every night, after I lie down and till I start to snore, I wonder where the problem lies.

But no more guys, 'cause I found the answer last night.

"........send this email to 15 people including me and you will find true love by tomorrow. Ignore this and you will never find love"

"......send this scrap to true friends and see a miracle happen by tonight. Ignore this and......"

I spent my childhood in a religious city and people would often hand me leaflets saying,"

Mata XYZ devi ki kripa

..... get 1000 copies of this pamphlet distributed and you will get richer by millions.....

Mr. ABC ignored and got fired from office and ..........

Mr. DEF did 5000 and currently owns crores..."

I'm sorry Mr. Bulkmailer, I'm sorry Mr. Junkscrapper, I'm sorry Mr. Leaflet distributor. I'm sorry because I never paid any attention to what you said. I never forwarded those emails, I never went to a printer. Not that I ever plan to.

But I would like to request everyone reading this post to refrain from sending me those mails and scraps and whatever. You see, I've already done a lot of sin accumulation. And the only way anyone can help me, is by not adding to the already accumulated bundle.

As for the leaflets, I always get curious and accept whatever is handed out to me. From now on, I'm planning to staple a request on my shirt asking all leaflet hand-outers to oblige. Pity they don't read blogs.

What's up, everybody??

The last few days have been quite eventful. I was depressed, I was happy, I was confused... life has been strange. I was burdened with responsibilities. And the burden will continue till the 12th of April, perhaps even longer. I hardly find to time blog these days. Sorry blogger buddies, I really could not catch up with your blogs through this time.

Life's strange. Through the four years of college, my hostel mates have formed my world. I have lived with them and I have dreamed with them. We have been sharing the highs and lows of life together. And I have never really thought about it. But when it is poised to end, it feels so empty inside. Because I know, with time and distance, we will gradually turn from buddies to college friends to acquaintances to long lost friends. It is bound to happen and there is nothing I can do that would change that.

I have always loved to be the guy in control, I like things happenning my way. When they didn't, I always knew that I had only myself to blame. But this one time, I feel so powerless. Whatever that I might have done, it would still be the same. And with cruel luck, no two of us would be relocating to the same place. In a matter of months, we would be scattered all over the country.

Life suddenly doesnt seem that rosy anymore. Add to that, worse things have been happening all this time. A friend got engaged and had to break up for no fault of his. That too in a week! I was always half misogyne, and I can slowly feel the circle comming close.
Whatever, there's always something to look forward to, and with the technical and cultural festivals just around the corner, I hope I'll be cheering up soon!

I sincerely feel that I should sketch more. But I don't. Maybe because I never saw any future with my little talent. Or it might be that I was more interested in science and technology. Whatever, though my career as an artist is over, there's no harm in wielding a pencil once in a while.

I'm currently trying to do one, so I thought a little bit of appreciation could help keep my spirits high. I posted my last sketch on orkut. Incidentally the last sketch was done around 6 months back and the one before that was around 4-5 years back, if not more. That definitely means I'm improving!

This one was inspired by Catherine Zeta Jones. All comments and criticisms are more than welcome.

Divya called me a thoughtful blogger on the award function on her blog. The occasion was the birthday of her blog - Petals and Pebbles. Thank you buddy!



Richa has tagged me. I had to ask her what a tag meant :D, I'm really pathetic with some things. And since I had nothing to do, and the idea was nice, and Richa asked me not to let her down, I decided to do this tag.

Well, the idea is to list 25 things about yourself. It also includes tagging 25 people at the end, but I really do not know 25 bloggers, so its useless trying to tag them. So here I go.....

1. I'm absolutely non romantic. But I'm not interested in hiding that.

2. I really do not like to think of myself as non romantic. But since so many people say so, and they say there's no smoke without fire, there must be some truth in it.

3. I'm an insecure person. I believe everyone is to a certain extent. This I hide. I'm mentioning this on my blog for two reasons. 1. People close to me skip my blog. 2. I'm in one of my truthful moods.

4. I'm very lazy. Perhaps lazier than the laziest person you have ever met.

5. I can't say no to someone who has asked me for help. Even if I hate the person and actually do not want to help him.

6. Like everyone else, I like being admired and appreciated. But only when I'm absent from the room.

7. I still dunno what I want to do with my life. And I'm not sure if I would be able to find it out before I die. That's kinda uncomfortable.

8. I believe in logic. But then most human emotions are illogical. However, trying to look for logic in them often helps me rationalize my reactions.

9. I'm not sure whether I want a girlfriend. And I sincerely hope I do not, because I don't think the task of moving from single to 'seeing someone' is really desirable or smooth.

10. I would gladly give away an eye to have ripping muscles like umm... John Abraham. But if you ask me to hit the gym, I can't.

11. I'm not really scared of death. But it must be painless.

12. I keep forgetting birthdays, anniversaries and calling/messaging people. But they still mean the same to me. Just as forgetting to buy a bar of soap does not imply that you do not like bathing.

13. I do not trust people easily. And even when I do, I never trust them with my life :D.

14. If I were the richest man in the world, I would give away half of my fortune to charity. Not that I'm too interested in the philanthropy, its about clinching the world record.

15. I don't like it when the scientific community is not considered glamorous. Which as a matter of fact, is always the norm.

16. I hate artificial people. But I try not to complain when I have to bear with them.

17. I like staring at beautiful gals :D.

18. I absolutely adore golgappas. If only they weren't so girlish!

19. I live in constant fear of two things. I always have the creepy feeling that my ego is inflating and I'm turning into a snob. Probably because people with these problems are mostly blissfully unaware of it.

20. I find David & Victoria Beckham, Shobhaa De's blog, Deepika Padukone's beauty, Romance and Slumdog Millionaire overrated. No hard feelings please.

21. I cannot take NO for an answer. I would rather skip the question.

22. This one in so illogical. I dunno why but I feel very uncomfortable when someone reads my blog in my presence :D.

23. I'm an atheist. But I believe in the power of nature.

24. Something tells me that my blog might be boring.

25. I found it really tough to say 25 different things about myself.

Phew! This tag was difficult.

I'm sure I would be heavily regretting writing this post in a matter of hours. But I will still go ahead.

It all started this morning when a friend wrote an orkut testimonial for me ( I still dunno what I'm doing on orkut, and why I haven't deleted my account yet. But the funny thing is that it does not seem likely that I would be deleting my account any time in near future). And he wrote the superlative about me being very intelligent and all that. It was still bearable.

It got out of limits when a friend remarked that I asked people for testimonials coz I was certain they would say something similar. Now that really freaks me out.

Sure, it feels so nice to be called intelligent. But come on, why do some people need to tell me the same thing over and over again? I mean I'm a lot more things other than intelligent. And there are millions of people out there who are far more intelligent than I am.

What really adds to this is that I have achieved nothing in life so far. Nothing worthwhile that can be written down on a piece of paper. I do not consider bagging 80% marks by starting off with the syllabus a day before the exam a feat, let alone an intelligent one. There are a thousand different tricks to do it, and I just know a couple of them. It rather seems a foolish thing to do, spending sleepless nights over photocopies and slides where I could have snored peacefully by just starting a week earlier than schedule.

So, every single time someone gives me that terrible compliment, I freak out. It gives me the creeps that the person is trying to flatter me. And given that so many people are prone to do this, it logically means that I'm flattered very easily. You see how foolish that makes me feel? I now know why a blonde doesn't like being called a blonde and a babe doesn't like being called a babe.

What can you do? Nothing really. Or if you want to do something, better give me a testimonial that doesn't have the words - intelligent, genius, thinker and like. It doesn't matter whatever else you write. I'll accept it and that's a promise.

P.S. If you have managed to read this crap till the end, I'm surprised. Do me another favor and forget what you have read.

We once had this poster on our wall with this pic of a tiger lazying in the grass and the caption

I would, if I could.
But I can't, so I won't.

That perfectly defines my state of mind on VDay eve.
Being the man of few words that I am, that's all I would like to say.

Life's weird.

It's been a month since I wrote something thanks to exams. All along, I had been planning to write that post. But one evening I watched October Sky and I am writing about something so completely different.

It's a movie about following your dreams. Dreams that sound so impossible that the world laughs at them. Dreams that do not seem logical, not even remotely possible. It's the story of a boy who dreams such a dream and then realizes it.

I'm not an emotional person, I never get too sad or too happy and cannot recall the last time I shed tears. But watching the movie got me so emotional that I'm writing a blog post about it. And guess what, the movie is no tragedy. It ends on such a happy note!

It was then that I realized that I'm a person who lives in and has always lived for his dreams. It's pretty odd for me to get so moved by a movie, but yes, I am moved. And why shouldn't I be? 'Cause a person without dreams is a dead person. Nature did not risk creating humans(given the havoc we have played with it), just because it wanted one more species that would eat, sleep, drink, go shopping, party and slug on in a job he never dreams about.

So, the next time someone tells you that your dreams are preposterous, stop listening to him. It doesn't really matter whether you live to see your dreams convert into reality. For if you can dream, you are better than every pathetic idiot who doesn't. And sometimes I hope I always had a dream to run after. Coz if I run out of dreams someday, what would I do?? Yeah, the society might consider me successful, but I would be no better than the labourer at a construction site who has forgotten how to dream. Perhaps we should teach them how to dream as well.

So DREAM ON GUYS!

For dreams might not always make success stories, but they do make extraordinary stories.

(This post is directly inspired by Big K's criticism about the recent fundraiser, Rock on for humanity.)

This is perhaps, a very cynical and obtuse view of high profile fundraisers. But after you are through with this article, (assuming you are patient enough to bear with my crap), if you feel that there is an iota of sense in what I've put down, I would consider myself successful.

Let us consider an example. Suppose you have a big event organized for raising funds for homeless children. Let me list the beneficiaries:

1. The Event Management Company - Does a contract worth lakhs, if not crores. At a sizeable profit, needless to say.

2. The Politician - He gets some money(under the table, of course) to allow the event in his area. Also, gets the opportunity to campaign for free and a few front page Ads showcasing his generosity. I'm not considering the nominal five star lunch and drinks.

3. The big Bollywood star - Performs at the event at a "reduced" fee. Means more of tax free "under the table" income. Also gets to popularize his newest movie and it's music. And also gets to brag about his social awareness.

4. The Revelers - Have fun @ Dad's cash - Now that hardly hurts. Also get to go high on booze, sex and drugs after the gala. All in the name of homeless children.

5. The wannabes - Get to rub shoulders with the bigwigs and free publicity before the biggies come on stage.

6. The socialites - Get to look for their next boyfriend / girlfriend. Am I stretching this too far? Come on, every cricketer meets the sexy starlet at some fundraiser. At least that's what they all say.

7. The NGO - Whatever little money is left after all this economics has been considered, goes to an NGO. Half of them are corrupt and almost another half are grossly incapable.

Now come the homeless children. Don't worry, the rest does go for their upliftment.

We do care about homeless children, don't we?

Love nerds, hate nerds - You can't deny that nerds are everywhere. Nerds aren't normal guys - So it's better that you learn to identify a nerd when you see one.

Here's a checklist of what you need to look for to know that you are looking at a nerd.

• Glasses - Look for those spects. A nerd is incomplete without them and a nerd without them is not a pure nerd.

• Nerds can't stand people fumbling with technology. Just try fumbling with a gadget! If he doesn't say," Lemme show you how to do that", he isn't a nerd. Moreover, nerds despise people who do not respect technology.
  

• Gamers - Nerds are avid gamers. And they are very appreciative of skilled gamers.

• Try saying a bit of bullshit about Albert Einstein - (Caution) A nerd might knock out your teeth. At least he's bound to raise a big hue and cry over this.

• Nerds don't like being called nerds. *wink*. But they like to think of themselves as nerds. Nerds are complicated people after all.
  

• Nerds prefer beautiful technology to beautiful women any day. However, no nerd will ever accept this.

• Nerds are the among the few genres of homo sapiens who do not want to trade genres for something else. They are very satisfied and happy being nerds.
  

• Nerds are poor at paragraphs. They work better with bullets and minutes.

How do I know?
Because, I'm a big time NERD! *grin*

98.53??

Yep, that's my CAT percentile.
How do I feel?

To appreciate my feelings at this, I need to take you through a bit of history.

It all started in November, 2007 when I took one of the worst decisions of my life. The decision was to appear for CAT, 08. So I enrolled myself for a course by paying a ridiculously hefty amount to an institute. Classes started by mid-January.

By mid-February, the bubble had burst. I had lost steam. I felt I was better as a technical guy than a manager. However I continued till april when I finally decided to stop.

By stopping, I mean I stopped going for classes, stopped taking the mock tests and lost all the booklets that they gave me. Within a month I had leased away the main material to some guy. Nice bit of social work, eh?
What were my expectations from CAT' 08? Frankly judging by the amount of labor put in, I was expecting a 70 something percentile. So, I hardly thought twice when a friend told me this morning that the D day was here.

And then I got the shock of my life. 98.53? The first and only reaction was- Only if I had put in some labor. Not much, maybe 30 hours in all? At least appear for the mock tests! It's so frustrating. Messing up my career just because of this abnormal laziness. And that this isn't been the first time is even more heartbreaking.

And guess what, I haven't applied for any college. If you don't believe my score, you are welcome to check the results at results.catiim.in. The Tr No is 6610076 and the form No is 109007.

Well, sigh....

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR (all belated) to all my readers.

For the past few days, I've been frustrated with the way things have shaped up. My work on the search program and the IC tester is stuck. To add to that, the final year project on 3D IC testing algorithms has still not taken off. My singleton status prevails and I continually keep switching between ready to mingle and not ready to mingle *grin*. I'm still trying to beat that time posted on that NFS Most Wanted track by that guy on the internet. And I'm yet to start getting used to with JAVA.

In short life isn't that rosy now.

Now, people continually keep switching in and out of states of frustration like these. We all have our own strategies to keep stress and frustration at bay. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. Sometimes things get better by themselves and we credit that to the stress buster algorithms. But we never stop trying, do we?

So I decided to post my stress buster algorithms in the hope that you will give me an insight into yours. (In case you haven't noticed, there's a comment link at the bottom of this post).

This is what I do.

• Stop sleeping all day - The more frustrated you get, the more you sleep. The more you sleep, the more frustrated you get. Vicious cycle.

• Shave - If you are a guy who doesn't shave regularly. If you do, grow a big stubble and then shave *wink*.

• Sport - Indulge in your favorite sport. But mind you, if you lose, things can get worse.

• Don't chat - Stop chatting on the net. It increases my frustration levels.

• Stay away from the Internet - If you have a slow connection, this is a must. Even if you don't, it might still help.

• Indulge in something creative - This can be very very tough. But if you are successful in doing this, the battle is over.

• If you are a foodie, get a big heavy delicious dinner. Don't, if you want a size zero.
  

• Splurge, go shopping - What the mags say. Probably valid only for women. One of the main reasons why men get frustrated in the first place.
  

• Get up earlier than you ever have and stroll a mile - Works wonders!

But remember, the most important stress buster is that you try one of these stress busters! Waiting for your tips.